All I Ever Wanted
by Unspoken Tragedy
Summary: He felt a wetness on his cheeks as he realized that this was his deepest most desperate desire and had been for as long as he could remember. Severus looks into the Mirror of Erised.


**Title: All I Ever Wanted**

**Author: Unspoken Tragedy**

**Rating: PG**

**Spoilers: Philosopher's Stone**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. I do not own anything you recognize here. But I do make a mean omelet! Yeah...**

**Summery: He felt a wetness on his cheeks as he realized that this was his deepest most desperate desire- and had been for as long as he could remember. Severus looks into the Mirror of Erised.**

**Series: None**

**A/N: Hmm... Something that just begged me to write.**

**All I Ever Wanted**

It was late when Severus Snape finally gave up his fight for sleep, midnight at the very least. He supposed his body was just no longer used to turning in early, what with all the long nights it had been forced to keep over the years. Pulling on clean robes, he left his quarters to patrol.

He knew the students thought that he patrolled the halls late into the night in hopes of catching them out of bed; the truth was that this was just another filler until he could slip into blissful unconsciousness once more. Though his sleep was rarely so blissful, it was greater than the cold quiet of the dungeon nights, where he only had his dark thoughts for company. Dreamless Sleep was a luxury he couldn't afford. Should Voldemort try to call him whilst he was deeply entrenched in the thralls of sleep and he not awaken- well he preferred not to think about it really.

Tonight, however, the task he'd left his rooms to fulfill seemed too daunting for him. Severus did not want to deal with the dunderhead children of this school- not even to take points from them. So he turned in the opposite direction from the mains hallways- the ones that led deep down into the depths of the dungeons. He'd not traversed this part of the school that often, even though he'd lived down here since his school days in Slytherin. Granted, the Slytherin common room was a bit higher up than his own quarters.

There were few classrooms down in this portion of the school, though there were a couple of labs not very unlike his own. In the first years of this school's being alchemy had been offered as a subject, until it was outlawed as a course of youth's study. Now the art was hardly known of at all.

Though many thought that Alchemy was the same as modern day potions, the differences were obvious. Alchemy worked for two simple goals- the elixir of life and to turn common metals into gold. Muggles were even noted to have attempted the same, though without the magic of wizard alchemists. Potions on the other hand, had a much larger area of expansion than its predecessor; from healing wounds to murder and everything in between.

It was one such lab that he pushed the door open to and stepped inside. Tables, dusty and rotting without use, still had cauldrons and metallic ingredients on their surfaces. He pushed slightly on a tabletop in a downward forced. The wood split down the middle and crashed to the ground.

After jumping forward to avoid the flying wooden projectiles, his eyes caught a glint of light to his far right. Intrigued, he moved in that direction. Upon nearing the source he saw that it was a mirror. Or rather, the Mirror of Erised. It had been years since he'd seen the object, as Dumbledore had hidden it five years ago, after it's used for hiding the Philosopher's Stone had worn out. Severus had never bothered to ask him where he put it.

Truthfully, he'd never really wanted to know what it was he desired the most, and he'd never looked into the mirror before. A part of him feared seeing the thing that his heart desired above all else, simply for the knowledge that it would never be his.

Tonight felt different. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or maybe he was feeling more thoughtful than usual- or maybe he just wanted to know. Wanted to know what it was he could possibly want, even as jaded and tired as he'd become. No matter what the reason, tonight he decided to look.

For the first time ever, he stepped in front of the mirror, read the inscription around its frame, and faced the reflective surface. For a moment, the only thing he saw was his own reflection. His tired face, his sharp black eyes... Then the image shifted.

It reflected the room once more, but there were marked differences. The prints his boots had left upon the floor were gone. The table he'd earlier broken was again intact. And he was not there at all.

He stared at it for a moment, not comprehending what it was he saw. As if the mirror understood that, his reflection returned, only to slowly fade out into the empty room again. And he understood. A deep aching pain filled his heart as his chest constricted. Learning the truth about his own heart was painful when he'd been denying it the right to exist for so long.

The image was all he'd ever wanted, but had never wanted to face. He felt a wetness on his cheeks as he realized that this was his deepest most desperate desire- and had been for as long as he could remember.

The thing he wanted the most was to have never existed at all.

-

**Lo es terminỏ**

**A/N: Don't worry! I am working on my other stuff also! If things work out, there'll be another chapter of BWAK soon!**


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